$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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