I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
