Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
