shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
how drunk are you?
Several
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
