I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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