he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
