he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
