His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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