I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
