Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
