We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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