All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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