just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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