Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
