Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
