I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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