also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
