it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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