Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will be naked everywhere
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
