her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
