I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize