Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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