I CAN MOONWALK!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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