watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
