I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
