I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dignity is for republicans.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
