Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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