i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
