Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
