the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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