..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
