I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
