no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
