she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
