thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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