So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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