nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
