how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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