I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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