Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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