good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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