The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
