Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
