I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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