I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
