Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
