We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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