for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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