girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
