I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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