I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
