I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
