That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?