It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on