apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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