im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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