Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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