I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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