When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
