she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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