This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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