So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
