I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
