Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
