Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
