we have officially lost it.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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