Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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