...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
