i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
