apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
