hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
