Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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