You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
